Who am I in this world… ?

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I’d like to tell you that I live an ordinary life. i raise sons. i am a nurse today, taking care of two boys with 103 degrees of temperature, each.
i still have trouble with my smart phone. i accidentally called someone who i had just smsed. #facepalm.
i play my veena — i touched it lovingly after many years. And the music is more lovely than it has ever been.
I memorise poetry. And i am terrible at it.
I wear saris twice a week and believe Indian culture is safe in my hands.
I avoid fussing over festivals. But my husband overcompensates so, we are hovering at a midpoint, i think.
I have a camera. And I shoot on sight. Here are some photos taken over the years, that i have sifted through to find moments that are prayerful to me … for many reasons.

a child guides a blind man, who is may be related to him. this was during our stay at a serene Ashram in Kerala

a child guides a blind man, who is may be related to him. this was during our stay at a serene Ashram in Kerala

i too lit a lamp at batu caves. ghee, oil and folded a prayer when i lit a wick... a prayer that was one of a hundred that night...

i too lit a lamp at batu caves. ghee, oil and folded a prayer when i lit a wick… a prayer that was one of a hundred that night…

strands of delicate white, plucked from scented bushes. how green was my valley? taken in kerala

strands of delicate white, plucked from scented bushes. how green was my valley? taken in kerala

my mother in law lights the lamps as part of a 50-year-old tradition. it was night, and we could hear the sounds of insects and as a few dozen devotees sang the aarti, her experienced hands unfalteringly lit the tiny lamps

my mother in law lights the lamps as part of a 50-year-old tradition. it was night, and we could hear the sounds of insects and as a few dozen devotees sang the aarti, her experienced hands unfalteringly lit the tiny lamps

this was at a hotel in mahabalipuram during a vacation. my brother in law's had plucked two flowers and deftly perched them over the dieties... and we saw that, and have adopted that as a practice in our home as well

this was at a hotel in mahabalipuram during a vacation. my brother in law’s had plucked two flowers and deftly perched them over the dieties… and we saw that, and have adopted that as a practice in our home as well

taken in Batu Caves, Kuala Lumpur. when i lived in malaysia, i thought this was my moment of pride as a photographer. because the speck of white in the sky is the moon.

taken in Batu Caves, Kuala Lumpur. when i lived in malaysia, i thought this was my moment of pride as a photographer. because the speck of white in the sky is the moon.

just outside my in-laws home here in chennai. God pops in for a visit...

just outside my in-laws home here in chennai. God pops in for a visit…


one of the most solemn weddings i have attended... i had never seen a bride and groom sit so still.

one of the most solemn weddings i have attended… i had never seen a bride and groom sit so still.

the lovely garlands in Malaysia. We used to buy one every week for Rm 10. sigh.

the lovely garlands in Malaysia. We used to buy one every week for Rm 10. sigh.

this is at a chinese temple that was 15 minutes away from my home... in kuala lumpur. it was the quietest place i ever visited. every week, i walked there and sat quietly and prayed to the Chinese Gods to keep me in Kuala Lumpur. I lived there 4 years.

this is at a chinese temple that was 15 minutes away from my home… in kuala lumpur. it was the quietest place i ever visited. every week, i walked there and sat quietly and prayed to the Chinese Gods to keep me in Kuala Lumpur. I lived there 4 years.

my beloved niece was getting married... 6 hours on a busride to kumbakonam, but so much sanctity in the chants and vows

my beloved niece was getting married… 6 hours on a busride to kumbakonam, but so much sanctity in the chants and vows

at mylapore. what hand created this infinite symmetry...

at mylapore. what hand created this infinite symmetry…

But, those are just scattered moments in a flailing world. I find what works for me is a painstakingly put in place spiritual practice .. despite my passion for disorder.

I’ve slowly changed my lifestyle to make way for the changes Paramahansa Yogananda prescribes…

“If you spend your life in constant excitement, you will never know true happiness. Live simply and take life more easily. Happiness lies in giving yourself time to think and to introspect. Be alone once in a while, and remain more in silence.”

And even though i lead an ordinary life, I today understand the meaning of this Zen Proverb…

Before Enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water.
Peace. Out.

(just a post i felt like writing after i read hip hop grandma’s post. Her’s was an entry to Cycle Pure Agarbathies’s contest on prayer

(If i get a Lakshmi Pooja Pack, i’d pass it on in a trice to my mother-in-law, who adores mantras and rituals and has a daughter named in reverence to the Goddess)

This contest is being conducted by pure prayer

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13 responses »

  1. Very nice of you to mention me. More so because you belong to the next generation. I am sure your mother in law would be glad to use the Lakshmi Puja pack this year and would appreciate your thoughtfulness. Like you, I too am not a fan of rituals but prayer has nothing to do with rituals. All the best for the contest.

    • thank you.
      I enjoyed reading your post, and this is such an appealing subj, considering the point in life I now am.

      I enjoyed putting the post and my thoughts together

    • and it’s a wonderful journey to embark on, the journey to finding happiness … and you realise that you don’t have to look outside at all..

  2. You are, from what little I know of you, an amazing, musical mommy with a whacky sense of humor, an increasing sense of calm in the face of chaos, lovely hair and absolutely impeccable writing skills.

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