two points i have to make…

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on the tejpal issue…

1. echoing what a former tehelka employee said in a TV interview… — if tejpal, 50 years old, considered himself a father figure type to the young journalist, then even if she did make advances(for the sake of an argument) why didn’t he say stop, and sit her down and have a chat with her, instead of doing what he did.
isn’t that what a father figure would do?

and on the aarushi issue

2. why was a live-in manservant needed in the Talwar home, in the first place? it’s a nuclear family with working parents and a girl in her early teens — I am sure no one needs constant domesticity /attention, esp a sort that can be given only by a man –( a man’s services may be needed if there was an invalid, some heavy lifting and such like…)

wishing these two crimes had never happened. horrible.

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12 responses »

  1. I’ve been wondering about this whole concept of having a male house help too! 😦 😦 A part of the parent in me refuses to believe that the Talwars would’ve committed this ghastly act! Sigh.

  2. Regarding male house help – isn’t this the stereotypical discrimination that we don’t want for ourselves when we are looking for jobs? I am sure there are plenty of male house helps that are really good at what they do and deserve employment. If the male house help raped the poor child (she was a minor), then it is just a matter of opportunity. No matter where he was employed or in what capacity he was employed, he would have found an innocent victim.

    • hey clueless, I tried to rethink whether what I had written my post from an adamantine stereotypical discriminative view.

      and I think the answer is nope.

      for me, gender is an issue. some jobs are innately gender-centric. while some are innately neutral.

      if that makes me a discriminative employer, so be it; I definitely don’t want a female watchman in my apartment. I don’t want domestic help who is male — I live with small children and roam the house in various states of undress ( not always, but still ) and a male gaze would make me self-conscious.

      🙂

      and thank you for giving me the opportunity to use “adamantine” . total #cheapthrill. 🙂

  3. Agree with both points. I find the idea of a live-in help too intrusive in any case, even if female. Male – aiyyo. Once had a guy sent over by a friend when I was looking for a cook, sent him packing within 5 minutes of his arrival. Not my cup of tea.

    • it is intrusive – been there done that — while living in guest house in Powai, Mumbai.

      omg. never ever.

      and a big wave out to you chox — miss you when I am not blogging

  4. I do have a male driver who drops my son off to school. We’ve done extensive background research on him and there’s another kid from same school that’s also in the car with them so I feel a tad better. But it is difficult to find reliable help with kids whether female or male although I must say a male live in help wouldn’t work for me let alone for my kid. Would give me creeps to have to live with an unknown male in the same house unless he’s very, very young perhaps.

    • “Would give me creeps to have to live with an unknown male in the same house…” precisely, deepa.

      I once lived three months in a guest house – while the mmmim was working — i was six months pregnant with baby param and a toddler firstborn. in the guest house, the cook was male. the attenders were male. so I stuck to my tiny bedroom — didn’t go into the common areas – like living room, or dining room. I tried to be morning sick discreetly — was hellish.

  5. Very scary. Both cases.

    In the first case, age shouldn’t matter. If the woman, who is a major, is willing, and the male has no ethical qualms, this is between the three of them – pathi, pathni and wo – to work out the logistics vis-à-vis fidelity. There is nothing illegal about it, and ethics is a matter of perception.

    A person close to me is a teacher. He teaches both male and female students. He is now very hesitant about interacting academically with his girl students because he is afraid of malicious false claims by some girl because she didn’t score well in her exam. He does not take in girl students into his research group also because of this. When I put this out in writing, it looks like sexual discrimination. He thinks that between sexism and sexuaal harassment, he is screwed, anyway. When I look at it from his perspective, I agree.

    Second case:

    I agree that it is illogical to let a daughter stay with an unrelated male (sometimes even related), unsupervised. It is sad that there can be so little trust between people, but that is how the world operates.

    When I walk on the road with my 10-year old daughter, I am constantly scanning the vicinity for potential rapist and gropist. It is very sad that you cannot lead a normal life without constantly having your antenna up.

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