ponamma in chennai is widowed. she’s a housemaid at three homes. one of her employer’s can’t communicate without yelling. ponamma’s daughter is pregnant. and the dirty vessels at house number two wring out her hand.
but ponamma has lalitha. her friend across the fence. as lalitha washes an inskirt, and ponamma scrubs out the blackened pressure cooker, they share a laugh. lalitha mimics employer number 2, and ponamma covers her mouth with a vim-bar hand to stop herself from lol-ing.
**
Taki is Indonesian. she is a live-in maid, for a Malaysian family in Kuala Lumpur.
She stays indoors every single day of her annual contract. She minds the kids, changes the sheets, squeaky-cleans the mirrors, and pestle-pounds cinnamon for a masala chai. She doesnt share a common language with her employer. She’s allowed to watch TV, but not allowed a conversation with a friend.
***
It’s just over one year since I’ve lived here in Malaysia. i’ve watched from my sixthfloor window, snippets from the life of a maid in malaysia. and i really think the right to a friend is a basic right.
Twopointthree kids, sixpointsix ideas on raising them 
Yeah, it really is.
Its a wonderful sight when all live-in maids get together and play dandia during navrathri here
your post resonates beautifully with this one.
http://bmukhtiar.blogspot.com/2009/06/torture-garden.html
I was filming with one woman who had gone to Saudi as a maid. Her descriptions of a life of silence and isolation and very very hard work was chilling.
Indeed a basic right. There is no worse punishment than forced seclusion.
Empathy is becoming a rare emotion. Maids in mumbai are a parallel society on their own- if it wasn’t, they might not be able to survive either.
so agree with you.
on a tangent: how many of ‘us’ have real friends nearby anymore. someone to talk to / share with everyday. esp with our hectic, chaotic lives.
we catch up with friends online, on the phone, or maybe once in a year….
Absolutely.
agree completely.
Not only a basic human right, but a necessity to sanity.
What a lovely point…yes everyone needs a friend…and we tend to make maids invisible. Thanks for writing this:)
That was so profound – the right to a friend! We take it for granted, don’t we?
Blogeswari: i didn’t know that. thanks for telling me.
sur: thanks for the link. it said so much more…
‘a life of silence’ is intensely cruel . is there a link for your film?
In love: i loved how you’ve called valiamma a relative.
richa: i see your point. we don’t have friends nearby — *except for my vada-sharing neighbour*
… i have another theory on how we close our minds to warts-and-all friendships post school, and that growing up and getting an education gets us to be nit-picky .
oh well that’s another post
what got to me here is that when a maid speaks to someone it’s looked on with suspicion/ conspiracy theory/ plot to steal employers and run away…
Era: lol!
Couldn’t agree more on the friendship part. They enrich your lives. I think the reason it’s harder to make friends as you grow is now you have to find someone who you like but your family likes too 🙂
As for maids, I hate it when they are given the low down. Devaki to us was as much family growing up and still will make sure to come by and give us a hug when we visit. Thanks to you I enjoyed the memories of her today 🙂
gave me the goosies.
sands: hi! i keep my family and friends
t h i s much apaaaaaaart.
no three people get along.
Can’t see fellow human beings being treated that way! I prefer doing it all myself!
this was heartbreaking MiM!
yes, what would we be without some friends!
cheers!
God, yes..